The Fear of Forever
It seems so hypocritical of me to be so afraid of something I’ve wanted so badly for most of my life. Since I can remember I dreamed of having a husband, a life partner and someone to “have my back” when I needed it most. I’ve spent most of my adolescent and adult years not really feeling that support system, sure I’ve had amazing family and friends, but it’s different when there’s someone choosing to love you that isn’t a blood relative or someone who’s known you from an early age… someone who loves you for who you are now and not just what you were before all the chaos and traumatic life events. Someone who’s chosen the proverbial broken version of yourself you are today… I say that lightly because I know I’m whole, probably more complete than I’ve ever been but only because I have both joy and pain, the scars, the chaos, the hurt, the loss, the love, the excitement, the accomplishments… they are all part of the wholeness in my life now. I may not have seen it that way just a few